Unbreakable Bonds: Discovering the True Meaning of Best Friendship
One of my new favorite binge shows is Netflix’s Firefly Lane, an insanely good drama series about best friends Tully Hart and Kate Mularky, played by Katherine Heigl and Sarah Chalke. Best-selling author Kristin Hannah brought the story of these two friends to life in her two-book series in 2009. Season 2 Part 2 dropped on Netflix last night, so takeout is what’s for dinner until I finish the previous episode! This emotional drama is a beautiful reminder of the special bond that can develop between two vastly different people who manage to find common ground in their friendship. We get a first-hand account of Tully and Kate’s extraordinary relationship evolving as they grow and learn from life and each other. Firefly Lane explores friendship at its heart and makes us question what qualities make people best friends.
Friendships are some of the most important relationships we experience in our lifetime because, unlike familial relationships, these are the ones we choose. Our friends are the ones who stick with us through thick and thin, who laugh with us and cry with us, who celebrate our victories and catch us when we fall, blah, blah. We all know what the friendship job description sounds like, right? But what about our best friend? Who deserves that title, and what makes them stand out? Let’s explore the power of friendship and what qualities make someone the ultimate bestie.
First, let’s clarify: a best friend is not just a friend you like more than the others. It’s someone who knows you better than anyone else, who understands your quirky personality without explanation. Someone who feels like home to you, where you can be vulnerable without risking judgment, and you trust that everything you are or are not is safe with them.
Here are a few essential qualities that make someone worthy of the title of best friend.
A BEST FRIEND RESPECTS YOU
Mutual respect from both parties is the key to a healthy friendship, and your best friend will consistently honor the person that you are, even in the midst of conflict. The idea is that they will consider you, whether it be your feelings, wishes, or even your beliefs–a best friend will respond thoughtfully and lovingly because they cherish having you in their life. The desire to remain in each other’s lives long-term is the driving force for being respectful; failing to do so could end in a damaged relationship or the loss of it. Your best friend won’t risk that.
A BEST FRIEND KNOWS YOUR SECRETS (and will never tell).
My best friend knows things about me that even my husband doesn’t know… yes, I said it, and I own it. We lived whole lives before we met our spouses, and we did a lot of things that we only discussed during our adult sleepovers, late at night, after we got the kids down, over several glasses of wine. Before you get all judgmental, there is no shame in what we did, but saying any of it out loud almost 30 years later could sound a bit questionable. So, rather than weed through what we share or don’t share with others, we have a standing rule that these stories will accompany us to the grave. That goes for anything discussed between best friends; telling each other's secrets is a huge no.
A BEST FRIEND WILL LISTEN TO YOU
There’s nothing like having someone that you can emotionally dump on from time to time, and they actively listen with the instant desire to help you fix it. They give you a safe space to express your feelings, validate them, ask questions, and possibly offer a new perspective you hadn’t considered.
A BEST FRIEND IS HONEST WITH YOU EVEN IF IT MIGHT UPSET YOU
This is a tough one, no doubt, but we have to go down this road for the sake of your friendship. Hearing uncomfortable truths about yourself is never easy, but you can trust your BFF to give it straight, with no chaser. They will speak to you from their heart with pure intentions rather than talk about you behind your back to others, and their honesty should be appreciated. These moments can test even the strongest bonds because receiving this information can send you on an emotional spiral that can land you in your feels. When I get to this place, I get quiet and reflective because I need to sit in it for a moment. I eventually accepted that I needed to hear it, and honestly, I’m always glad it comes from my best gal pal rather than someone else.
A BEST FRIEND WILL ENCOURAGE AND SUPPORT YOU
It’s like having your own personal cheerleader on the sidelines as you run through life, knocking things over, falling in holes, and climbing out again. Your best pal doesn’t sit by quietly while you work through things or when you’re making major life decisions…they are an active participant. When I returned to college late in life with a huge family and a busy career, my best friend would text me messages of support and cheer me on when I was sobbing and questioning my decision. I dare to say your best friend might believe in you as much or more than you believe in yourself—they want to see you win and will be beaming with pride when you do!
A BEST FRIEND WILL APOLOGIZE TO YOU WHEN THEY ARE WRONG
Apologies aren’t easy sometimes, but a friend like this would never let you suffer the pain they have caused you without rectifying it. Admitting fault and asking forgiveness is the key to a long and healthy friendship, with no room for lingering anger and resentment due to unresolved issues.
A BEST FRIEND IS LOW MAINTENANCE
Spending endless time with friends takes a shift as we get older and more committed to adulting, love lives, and families. Your best friend will evolve with you and adjust their expectations on how much access they have to you at any time. They don’t hold it against you for being busy, successful, in love, or running behind five kids and not returning a text or call for days (maybe weeks!) Then, when you come up for air, it’s as if no time has passed, and you pick up exactly where you left off with no hard feelings, only a lot to catch up on!
A BEST FRIEND IS RECIPROCAL
One of the most essential qualities a best friend will possess is the desire and willingness to give back to you everything you have given them. Friendship should always be about how you can serve the other person rather than always about what they can do for you. Best friends won’t allow the other to give to them endlessly with nothing in return because they know that reciprocity is the only way to have a satisfying relationship.
The moral of the story is if you have a best friend, hold on to them tight because many of us have a friend(s) we have given the title but don’t quite fit the description. If you’re still searching for ‘your person,’ don't give up hope. We all need someone special in our lives – someone we can laugh with, cry with, trust completely, and rely on for unconditional love. Best friends are like family and make us feel better just by being around them. They come in many different forms and with varying personalities – but most importantly, they come into our lives exactly when we need them the most! Tully and Kate’s story reminds us of why we need a best friend– to be there for each other through the happy moments and the devasting ones.